Hand Tremors

I attempted a small amount of photography, and discovered something not too welcome. I seem to have the lithium hand tremors badly enough that no matter what I do, I can not take a photograph that doesn’t look like my camera has had a night out on the town.

I’d noticed it before at times, usually when I’d not been drinking enough. I’d figured though that so long as I was drinking enough water, my hands were fine. Certainly, it’s just a very very slight shake. I’d think nothing of it -except I know I used to be able to take pictures that were in fact crisp and in focus.

For example, this was taken about 8 months ago:

In comparison, these shots of my mum’s amaryllis which has just bloomed were taken tonight:

Probably the best one of the night and even then still not properly in focus

I suppose this means I will need to just do photography properly and use a tripod, which is something I wanted to do anyway. It’s just a shame when it comes to taking photos on the hoof. If anyone knows of any ways around this, or of decent portable tripods, I’d be much appreciative!

Duldrums

It’s been a difficult few days recently. It seems that on lithium, I am more mood reactive after a break than I ever was on any other medication before now.

Being given only a weeks worth is not useful when they run out just as you come down with a nasty illness. I’ve been back on the lithium for two weeks now, and still feel very low. That said, when I’m this low, having a months worth is not a good idea.

I’m thinking of just retreating back home for a while, until this improves. I’d be much safer.. however, I don’t know what it’d mean for my studies. It also means going 300 miles away from my CMHT (though I do at least have a damn good GP service at home).

I just hate having to worry my parents like this. I always feel like the difficult child, the one that causes all the stress and worry.

 

Lithium

I sort of hate being on lithium.

I hate that I have to be on it, firstly. People often assume that as I’ve been on psychiatric medication for the past three years, I must be a supporter of it’s use unconditionally. It’s not a total untruth either, I definitely do feel that these medications have a role to play. At the same time however, knowing how long I will likely have to take it for is something I really do not like. There’s simply a sense of I do not want to have to take this in order to be able to live ‘normally’.

Additionally, I hate the physical effects. The nausea. The constant thirst. The hand tremor. The long term poisoning of my liver and kidneys.

The only redeeming factor is that I am more stable whilst on it.